Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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