In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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