I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
