If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
