I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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