my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The air taste purple.
Randomize
