Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
