he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
it glows. i had to have it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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