He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
