Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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