Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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