i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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