Duck Duck Cougar?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
