Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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