Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
