I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
