Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
operation have a gay friend backfired
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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