Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
