My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
