Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
