I cut my penus on the lid.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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