I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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