I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
