Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
