At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
