last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
