Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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