i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Buhtt sex?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
