Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
