I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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