You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wish you could order shots online.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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