please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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