I love black thongs
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
