We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
