I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
