do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
