I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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