oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize