Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
