I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
