dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
