just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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