My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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