I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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