I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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