I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
