Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
