the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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