im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
