sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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