I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
