You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize