my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
