TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
