at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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