there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He told me they were just razor bumps!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
