Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
