dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
