You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have already put on my inside pants.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
