Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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