Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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