I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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