The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
