wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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