I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
