This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
