Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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