don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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