you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
is it fun? or sober?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
