i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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