Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
