Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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