Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
