I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
we're so committed to being not committed
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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