somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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