everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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